When was the Last Time You Did Something for the First Time? (2015 year end post)

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Now Playing: Unang Tikim by Kamikazee (a tribute to Kamikazee’s hiatus)

Can you believe it? Another year was already done. It seems just like a while ago when I was scrambling on my notes and writing (as I always do every year) all my goals for the coming year – but look at us now – we are ready to wave goodbye to 2015 to welcome another year. But no, not me – I am not yet ready to wave 2015 off, I just don’t. This year was probably, the year I finally stepped into the unknown. The year I finally gave in to my whims and just throw it all out. The year where I can say, I sailed away and even if I didn’t know where I’m going- I guess it’s better to move and just trust that wherever it takes me- it must be something wonderful.

If I can sum up all that’s happened this year – it was like a heartbeat. You know, those lines pointing up and down and then skips and continues again? That was what my life in 2015 would look like. It started off as a lot of challenges in work, then probably continuing till the first quarter and then peaks up as I finally say “I’m done!” and stops because I don’t know where I’m going and I was just exiled at home and then starts racing up as I found a new work and points down very fast because I never felt so down in my whole life than the time where I missed everything and then gradually gaining up as I start to adjust and then going around in swirls because I cannot balance everything: my family, PwC friends, workmates, super friends and even my interests: books, typography, calligraphy, crafts, pictures, indie films, music, gigs, travel – they are just rolling on my head every now and then and I just can’t make time for everything.

2015 for me is like a whirlwind of challenges, transitions, discoveries and bliss.

But I guess the biggest breakthrough that I come across this year was when I finally handed in my resignation letter. Saying “it was not easy” was an understatement. Yes, you would think that this is what I’ve been waiting for and longing for but when you reach that end, it was not easy. Even now, when I think of it- I still feel tears form in my eyes. This is the breakthrough that I did because this is the turning point of what happened this year for me. If I didn’t handed in that letter- I guess my life would be so VERY different today.

Imagine, just that one act and then all of it- all of the three-quarters of my 2015 was forever changed. The first quarter of 2015 was still very challenging. It is like an epilogue of my journey in PwC-CAS- my home for almost four years. It was very hard, me thinking that I will be leaving sends me in a bizarre twist of bittersweet emotions. Of course, I am glad to finally be free but I am also sad that I will be leaving all those wonderful, wonderful people that I have grown accustomed to seeing day in and day out and even on weekends. I so love them that leaving them leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But what can I do, I need to do this – for the firm (because I can no longer give anything, I have given everything- both sides of my brain- and it feels like I am doing them a disservice if I continue working there only halfheartedly and not giving my best) plus I know now that they can still continue even without me- that is my only worry- like what would happen to my clients if I leave- but I guess, I had planted them deep that they can now stand on their own. And also for myself- because I need to grow and get out- it’s like PwC CAS has become my comfort zone and I am no longer learning anything and I can only do that if I am once again a small fish in a large pond. So, there, that one act of leaving paved the way for other things to happen to me.

I thought that was the hard part. Little did I know that is only the beginning. I spent almost two months being a bum at home. Yes, you read it right. After all my rants about not learning anymore- why would I selfishly live at home stagnantly? Well, it was like reorganising my thoughts and plans and dreams. You don’t go into a battlefield unprepared and unarmed. I just wanted those times to finally reflect on my life and to decide where I am going. I would still long for those weeks- weeks that I never worry about anything and weeks that I spent all on myself.

But apparently something happened along that time. Something that I dare not write. It was embarrassing because I didn’t realise it was happening until they told me just a few weeks ago. Haha. I know, I am slow. But I’d rather be slow than assuming. Do not assume unless otherwise stated.

And this was also that my plan to have a Baguio trip on my birthday has finally materialised. Finally after three years! It was bliss- there’s no better way to celebrate my 25th year than to travel. 🙂

And you know what happened next. I started off in my new workplace. Different environment, different people, different workshift, different everything. They say it was hard in the beginning- but I never thought it was THAT hard. Maybe it is because I just spent so many times in my first work. But truth be told, I would always refer to PwC-CAS as my first love. Nothing beats them. There, all my love goes away. Until now, I was still adjusting. But you know what, I finally gave in. I finally decided to move on from that first love. I finally decided to move on from PwC. This is my life now. And it rests upon me if I can also make it magical. So there, and also, I found a lot of wonderful people also in Shell. I guess, this situation teaches me to be interested in people, in general. (Because the old me never bothered to get to know other people) You want to grow? Take this challenge!

And then I had a lot of times for my interests. We watched Cinemalaya, CinemaOne, Teatrino. I attended Typekita exhibit. I made a lot of typographies- that I never finished by the end of the year. I travelled to Cebu and Palawan where I had an unplanned solo trip for a day, alone time in the airplane ride, jumping off a dive board and many many other firsts. I also got to attend Chicosci’s summer and christmas party and then Urbandub, Typecast, Kjwan and Mayonnaise at 12Monkeys. But I guess, the best part of it was when I met Pochoy and watched Dicta License. I was ecstatic with they way they performed.

And then those confusing moments at the office that I swear I won’t think of but here I am even writing it down.

It was also the year where I made time for my friends. Us trio (Ana and Ey), or with Joie, and also with Decie. And who could forget all our bantering moments with my little sister. I think that maintaining that connection between these friends for keeps is one of the things I’m proud of for this year. It was hard but we made it. And I know we will make it.

So, this year 2015 finally comes to a close. With it rests a decision that altered my life forever.

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