A Year Goes By, And I Can Talk About It

(And I originally posted this last July 17th of 2016 – in my Tumblr account, hindi ko lang alam kung bakit ‘di ko pala napost dito.)

And honestly – I miss writing my thoughts like this on Sunday mornings – like one year ko na pala ‘tong ‘di nagagawa.

Wala talaga akong maisip na title and I thought I will be this uncreative person and just  write: “One Year at Shell”. Haha. Good luck with that. Apparently when I opened this and started to write – that title suddenly emitted from my fingers and now I have a title.

Which brings me back to why am I writing here all of a sudden? I have plenty of things to do – this week and weekend but I just want to write, or take things off my mind.

It may look like I am still so far from where I want to be but looking back – it looks like I have come a long way from where I started.

When I started – it’s like a whole new environment for me – the new faces at work, new work itself and the many, many work cultures that is new for me. I remember the times na viniviber ko lang palagi sina Ms. Aleli at Joie kasi namimiss ko sila – kasi hindi ako makapangulit sa office, kasi I’m not comfortable in showing that side of me. And ‘yung time na ayokong pumasok at palagi akong late kasi wala akong masyadong ginagawa and inuulit ko ng dalawang beses un task ko kasi nganganga na naman ako kapag natapos ko agad.

But then in the midst of it all – there will be something for me to step in – and that’s how THAT team come up. Suddenly we’re required for Saturday’s work – which is one hell of an easy one for me since I don’t know – walang-wala kasi un sa overtime na ineexert sa auditing firms. And these were the times that I can finally connect to some of my team – kasi nakakawork ko na sila – kasi nakakausap ko na sila most especially sa Purchase team. And actually – one month lang naman un na Saturday’s work and one week na OT so that’s really not a lot but still I am thankful – ewan – eto un team na founding somethings ko sa Shell – like ito kasi un unang work na nagawa ko kaya I’m proud or like really thankful/ grateful that I am part of that team – especially to my mentor who insisted for me. 🙂

Dun ‘yung first time ko maranasan matulog sa lounge kasi  I live in the far off North and it wouldn’t make sense for me to come home and then come back – which will be pretty exhausting mas convenient matulog sa office (in terms of travel time). And ung mga kulitan kapag Saturday kasi konti lang kami or kapag overtime din – which makes work doesn’t seem like work kapag gusto mo ‘yung mga kasama mo and you are a team.

Ayun lang but sadly after that wala na ulit. Balik normal processing na medyo na-bore ako kasi same old same old na naman – walang twist or wala masyadong pressure kaya medyo hindi okay. Pero sakto lang naman – eto din pala yung time na napasubo ako sumama sa year end party committee na gusto ko but I am not sure kung gusto din ba nilang kasama ako or if I’m qualified enough since I don’t really know what to do. Haha.

I guess it started from the teambuilding to there that I get to know a lot of people in my department – to know lang ha – kasi I’m not used into meeting many many persons like I don’t really remember their names or faces unless my distinguishing words kang sinabi or sadyang nakakatawa ka from the onset or basta ‘yung extreme. And life is really a paradox na kami un nasa registration – ‘yung babati sa mga tao sa entrance – when in reality I am afraid of a lot of people. Na di naman pansin kasi it was masquerading as me being shy.

Ayun lang – and then the shocking news na mapapalitan na ‘yung team manager namin – which is super sad since I am really proud to be a member of my team manager and somehow I look up to him (eto na naman un issues ko sa mga manager na nagbabago eh) and it’s kinda sad that I was not able to learn a lot kasi hello, six months lang naman ‘yun – but really what could I ask for? – at least proud kami para sa kanya na in a minimum amount of time – he rose to the top and I am still very proud – haha – kahit na sandali lang yun. Ewan feeling ko kasi super galing niya talaga and it is very selfish of us kung ikkeep pa namin siya sa team namin. May words ako to describe him eh: “yung kapag siya ung nagexplain – wala ka nang madadagdag pa kasi he has all the sides covered all in an amazing clarity”. Ayun lang.

The year end na pumapasok ako kasi wala nang leave – pero nagkakantahan lang naman kami nila Jen, Kat, Beth, Gitte. 🙂 Pero masaya and lumipat pa si Gale sa area ko kasi we’re clingy like that. Hahaha.

Then come January na magshushuffle kami ng team – na nakamindset na ako na sa team na to ako mapupunta pero nagbago and ‘di ako dun napunta which is nagulat ako nung simula pero naging thankful din kasi I like that team and maybe God really knows what I want even when I don’t. Kasi kung sa kabilang team ako napunta – wala dun ung mentor ko, wala un closest friend ko and all that kaya thankful ako na at least nagbago un at the last minute.

But then here comes the sudden turn – that ewan – minsan pala kahit masaya ka na sa team mo (which is me) aalis ka pa din (which is me) for growth. Honestly, I like that team – what could I ask for? But the work is not doing it for me – the work bores me for a bit and I don’t feel like I am contributing into the company which is a low for me kasi I don’t feel of any use.

So I took the leap. I changed teams. Kahit na I am not sure what will happen. Nagtraining ako- kami. And suddenly I feel like I’m in my old world again – processing tax returns – eto ‘yung bagay na sanay ako – ‘yung mga bagay na nabubuhay un dugo mo kasi may hinahabol kang deadline – the thrill of making/not making it in time – ewan kasalanan ba ‘to ni PwC na nasanay kasi ako sa ganung pressure kaya ba namimiss ko?!

And here I am on the fifth month in my new team na nagreshuffle ulit ng konti but still same old same old. Masaya na ako sa ginagawa ko and somehow life really is made up of twists and turns and I didn’t really expect na makakawork ko pala sa bago kong team un dati kong team manager – na I am super thankful kasi siya ‘yung naghire sa akin and it feels good na ‘di pala siya nagsisisi na hinire niya ako. 🙂

I still have a lot to learn and improve – A LOT! And I don’t know kung kelan ako matatapos but I suddenly feel the competitiveness and I’m not sure if I like it. I am not used to those things.

In fact, nasanay na siguro ako na people don’t take notice of me and I am just used to working in the background. Nakakatuwa lang na at least I am now contributing the right parts of my brain – the creative side – designs and video editing – which is like the determining factor for me before umalis ng PwC. But I guess hindi un ung determining factor ko sa Shell.

And also the successful cluster teambuilding na napagod ako but I am not nasayangan (’di katulad ng pagpprepare every year sa funtastic friday na all-for-naught naman lagi) – in fact naenjoy ko ‘yun kahit na from Saturday na nagfirst day of class ako then straight to watch the American Idiot Musical then Sunday na marathon ng Signal then to the office where we will prepare – it was rewarding na nakita mong nag-enjoy sila. 🙂 I guess service pa din talaga ‘yung highest form of contribution? May ganun ba?

My body is tired but I am fulfilled. I guess those things that you love to do – makes everything rewarding. So aun lang.

This is my first year journey and I know madami akong nakalimutan – pero meron akong ayaw isulat *silent smirk* pero basta – I am not where I planned to be but I guess I was where I’m supposed to be – to make me grow. And really I have come a long way – I mean sobrang nagiging at ease na ako sa office and kakilala ko na lahat ng nasa cluster namin (unlike before) at magbabago pa ulit pala kami ng seating arrangement.

Bahala na. Basta hindi ko na iisipin YUN. I have finally come at peace with myself na although it could be something – wala eh – I am not courageous enough and the timing does not sit well with it.

I guess – what I’m looking forward to is myself. I know that I still have a long way to go but I know that I still have a lot to offer and for that I can’t wait to work hard for something that if I put my mind into – I know it will workout – not for me but to ease the process and not for me to gain the attention but only to use the capabilities that I am blessed with.

Kudos! And it’s half a year already.

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