letters to my younger self

On Blogging and How Did I End Up Here

So I just read Tricia Gosingtian’s latest blog post: http://triciagosingtian.com/blog/quitting-blogging/ which also got me into thinking how did I end up here in the first place?

But first of all, allow me to relish the past because back then it was easier to write. Who cares if no one reads your post? It’s fine – as long as I like what I write I’ll be fine. 🙂 And then here comes the boom of the social media with its likes and hearts and thumbs ups and suddenly we write so that we can reach a lot of people that would like our posts and comment on it and suddenly its no longer me writing for me but me writing for everyone else’s appreciation but me. There are good sides of it, I know. But somehow this has been the bad effect on me. I no longer wanted to write because, you know, I thought only those with high reach has the permission to write online. My posts became fewer and fewer because I know what I write wouldn’t benefit anybody. It’s just my thoughts – which fairly amounts to little. 

So how did I end up here?

First. When had I ever heard the term blog? Or read. I read it in Candy Magazine when I was in High School. Apparently, diaries are so elementary. In high school we have the blogs. So there. I kept a diary when I was young. Because you know – with being sentimental and all introverty even when I didn’t even know I was an introvert at the time – I enjoyed writing details of my life back then.

I didn’t start out right away. Why? Because blogs are online and we are still so old-school and had no internet. Or maybe we have (hello dial-up?!) but I didn’t know how. I was not a techie-person back then. Back then my only knowledge is how to create a CSS of your background in friendster. Yep. You heard it right. Back then, my only obsession is how to make the fonts style, color, make moving backgrounds, customised pointers and such that I didn’t know if I can commit to writing a blog.

And then it was on the eve of my birthday – 2007 (the second saddest birthday until now) – I hacked into the GPRS (hello nokia!) on my phone and I can use its internet without charge. How cool is that? I searched for Chicosci and landed on this livejournal of a highschool girl. I can’t remember the site name but all I remember is that this girl’s life is interesting – she does theatre during high school and had large allowance (laking-aircon type) and I became so invested in her life, her writings that I read all of her live-journal posts. It’s like seeing into someone else’s life. She writes what happened no sugarcoating and whatnots. And I like it. I like how you can write about your life and no one knows it. The anonymity.

And then friendster launched its blog feature and I took that chance to write. My words were speeding away from my mind faster than dial-up. Haha. And then I read blogs from multiply – mostly from people I do know – but some from people I don’t know so I took that chance again. Multiply is heaven that time. I used to dream about having my own website (because before every artists you follow has their own website) and in Multiply you can have your own website: homepage, blog, photo album, reviews, etc. They had it. Plus, you can customise its look via HTML.

It was in Multiply that I really write. As in write about my life. Sadly – multiply no longer exists. I even had a mini-pictorial at home (complete with made-up ball gowns and my first ever digicam) to setup a homepage picture. I updated it, uploaded photo albums of my life and wrote reviews to the songs I like – in which the bassist of that song’s even reacted to.

And then when we reached the Facebook age – Friendster, Multiply, MySpace, etc. suddenly become extinct. By that time I had already moved on into something much cleaner layouts – in this case – the wordpress. I was hesitant to make an account in wordpress. Why? Back then the accounts I read in wordpress are all so beautiful and it seems like they are all from magazine writers in their awesomeness and I know I cannot do it like that.

So what I did – I tried out Tumblr. Which is easy. Tumblr is the community that never gets old. Until now. I can post pictures. I can write there short posts, long posts, weird posts with no title. I can write my frustrations and no one knows. That’s the beauty of it.

I tried writing in Facebook notes but it does not work for me like how Tumblr works for me.

And then I don’t know what prompted me to create my own wordpress account. Maybe it was a sudden fuel of passion in writing that I created one. Or because – time is pressing on me – I had a heads up that soon Multiply will be gone so what I did? I wrote my first entry in wordpress and copied my blog posts from Multiply to wordpress. You won’t find it here. It’s in my other wordpress account. 🙂 Why? It was such a waste that I would lose those things written by me. So there my first wordpress account became a repository of my old blog posts in Multiply.

And then suddenly I am writing in wordpress like water is flowing in my mind. Endless. And continuous. I wrote about everything: from my distaste in FX drivers not unloading someone in the place they wanted because “may nanghuhuli” and not because there is no unloading on that place to my own reviews on Japanese doramas. (This time I was influenced by Dramabeans.com) I even posted my very own – what I wore today post – back when OOTD posts are only in Tumblr. 🙂

And then I encountered a lot of changes in my life that that account became so cluttered that I cannot clean it up and so I created this account.

Whew! I know. I’ve gone to so many detours to get through here. From livejournal, friendster blog posts, tumblr to wordpress. Confession: I even wrote in DeviantArt. Haha. And I cringe when I read what I posted in there. So.

I guess that’s the story of how I end up here. How I end up writing.

And yes, somehow, I became affected that I don’t have any reach. Haha. Maybe my posts are not relevant enough that it became a clutter in internetworld.

But more that being relevant – I think I should always always remember how I started and why. I just wanted to chronicle my life that same way I would when I write in my journal and not because I want to share something about what happened to me to people I don’t know. So there. I don’t know if it’s too self-centered – but yeah I’ll keep in mind that whatever I’ll be posting is because I wanted to remember it and if someone agrees with me then that would be fine. 🙂 I mean that would be great! Never again will I post something for others to notice because in case I don’t know – I don’t like the attention – I didn’t struggle to be in the middle in high school just for this! 🙂

So yeah – this is how I ended up here. And I hope many years from now – I’ll still be writing but with more wisdom and understanding about life.

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