letters to the future

i went to siargao and i don’t have pictures to prove it

And yes. A month ago I went to Siargao Island – my first trip in Mindanao and I didn’t even realise it when I booked that trip. You see – I stubbornly booked it because my oldest friends (since college) booked it without me and I don’t want to be left out so I booked the same dates as them.

And as luck would have it – the one friend (that I’m closest with) that should be going with us suddenly has to go and fly to Canada (a month before this trip) and suddenly it is not a trip that I imagined.

And so there we were – at Clark airport on a Sunday morning – leaving to go to Siargao and suddenly it rained and our flight got cancelled. Yep. But we persisted. And rebooked the flight on next Friday – because it is only that time where we were free.

From eight then down to seven and now down to only four now.

But I still wanted to go to an island? Why?

I just want a quick escape from work because something happened, something that I thought I’m over it because I made peace with myself that something unfavorable to me will happen but when it did and I know my expectations were met but still – it still hurts – when the people who said they’d back you up but they didn’t and it is an awful representation of how people will sometimes let you down and I know I’ve accepted it but really – I hoped that they’d not let me down on that point but they did and it was what I was expecting but how can it still hurt me so much when it was what I was expecting, after all?

So yes, I need a breather.

And though I did not plan Siargao to be that kind of trip – it kind of did.

***

I won’t bore you the details of where we stayed or what we did everyday but in Siargao I was – we were – blessed to meet three doctors (one aspiring to be and two already General Practitioners – one was destined to an island and one to a conflict-related area) and I was never became more in awe about people as I was with them because – and I’m really curious – I asked them if they really wanted to become doctors and they said yes.

Even if that meant being the only doctor in an island where you sleep on the clinic just to be there 24 hours or doing 12-hour shifts on a rural hospital where there is not enough facilities and then having your income taxed greatly.

Yes, us being accountants – they asked us about income taxes. Haha.

And I swore I will never feel bad about my eight-hour-shift in the office when I can take a break when I wanted.

But you see the difference is that they were in on it because they love it – and I was in on this because it is what I have to do – it is the only thing that I can do that can earn money.

I was still regretting some of my choices in life – thirteen years ago – when I chose my college course but here we are and I am not gonna be here writing about it if I chose differently.

And also other than that – Siargao is a perfect place to just be carefree. Okay anywhere with a beach is a perfect place to be carefree.

So on the flight home, I wrote some of the things I thought I knew but there it was – hitting straight into my heart – because words before never struck home as much as they did now.

  • Why am I wasting my time thinking about people who won’t even be a part of my life two, five years from now?
  • Work is just work. It need not be the one that fuels your life.
  • Build your life outside work.
  • I don’t need everybody to understand – only those who matter.
  • You can ALWAYS count on your family.
  • It all starts with you. You can start now and trample on every wrong idea that they built about you. But the truth is that they’ll never know.
  • I’ll never let unworthy people have access into what I’m thinking.
  • Why did I spend more than a year building what I cannot build (life in work) and in turn depressed myself?
  • I’ll sleep when I’m dead but for now, there are better things to do.
  • Work always on yourself.
  • The best revenge is to not need a revenge.
  • That was the experience most conducive to your development.
  • Just always be kinder – we’re all trying here.
  • I’ve developed the habit of “which will I regret more?” when making decisions

Here we are  – a month after, things didn’t change but at least I am on the road to recovery.

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