letters to my younger self

the inevitable introduction

I am awful with telling something about myself – particularly because, I don’t know what to say. Darn, I have a lot to say but the moment I have to tell someone about myself I will lose all the words. Maybe that is also why I am writing this ‘about me’ four years after I started this site. 

So I guess I will just tell a story.

It was supposed to be a happy day, as far as all birthdays can go – it should be. But it was only seven months after the unthinkable happened and the wounds in her heart were still fresh. And as if the universe is playing tricks with her – it turns out that she’ll be alone at home – all members of the family were either at work or at school but she was not – her class is not due until next week. She wished she can forget it’s her birthday, after all, it happened in a lot of films. Just once – she wanted to forget.

You may wonder why. Every year she waits for that one person to greet her. All the little girls’s first hero is their father. But this year, her hero won’t be able to greet her. It pains her so much she wanted to sleep all day.

Using a hacked gprs connection, she browsed through multiply.com and read and read and read. She loves to read, especially about people’s lives. She just have to let time pass by – this whole day – so tomorrow can be a normal day. No more pretending to be happy when inside she was being ripped apart by the thought that this will be the start of no more greetings from that one person. How is she gonna live all the years ahead of her if she can’t fight this one day?

But you know what? Suddenly it was night time and her family came back home and even if the day is uneventful, she was able to survive that one day. 

It was the blog from a certain princejuno. Its hilarious stories written as if there’s no care in the world that made her amused and in turn it was what made her survive that day. A quirky retelling of a certain someone’s rendition of his own life was what made her read all those posts until it was night time and suddenly the hours do not seem long, surviving that day is no longer arduous – all because someone had told his personal life in a without-a-care-in-the-world way and let her peek and to find out that the world is still going on and that – this – is not all there is. Yet.

Making sorrow seem insignificant – maybe just for a short while, maybe just to survive a day, until another person or things take over. Saving one person suffering from sadness one post at a time. 

I hope you can find interesting, quirky, or hilarious stories in here. Or it might bore you but I hope I can pay back that one time that I was saved by those blog posts because it made me not think about my sadness just for a short while, just enough so I can survive and live until here. That was a very very long time ago – so many things have changed – but I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. I no longer remember the posts but all I remember is what it made me feel. A respite from the weight of the emotions I was carrying.

Just once I hope I can give back to the world what it gave to me that day.

So there – if you’re still reading until here, congratulations! I don’t mean for this to be so sad but maybe I guess that’s why even if most of my writings are mediocre I still hope that one day – even if I didn’t know – I could help someone go through a bad day. A song, a music, a meme, an artwork, a book, a hum, a lost animal, a slip, raindrop, clouds – a lot of things can help us go through a bad day – I hope I can be one of those things. ❤

Love,
xjennicel

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